I sit down to write...

For the first time in a while, I'm sitting down to write. I'm not only writing on my blog, but I'm going to take some time to work on my play, which starts with two men talking about typewriters in a department store. Sounds like a good one. *(|:^ | <-- this guy needs a hat because it's cold outside.

But now for the blog:

On a positive note, my two finals that I've taken have gone really well. The P Chem final was surprisingly simple - there was only one question I wasn't sure about. Turns out I did it right. I was the first one out of the exam, which made me a little nervous (I'm not the fastest test taker in the world). Maybe I missed a few pages or something. Then again, I did study quite a bit, and actually read the book, so that helped. My religion final was pretty easy, and I didn't need to do fantastic on it in order to get the A, so psshhtt... (that's my flippant, egotistical scoff)

I haven't heard from Baylor, which leads me to believe that the decision isn't as I had hoped. At least I should be able to find out my position on their ranked waiting list on Monday when I give them a call, if I'm even on it. That's somewhat disappointing; at least I still have Yale, Mayo, and (maybe) MCW and OHSU left to go. I can't screw them all up so badly that I don't get in anywhere, can I? (Oh no. The beginning of the end here, folks.)

Come January I will begin looking for stopgap "positive experiences" to explore between June and next fall when I would apply again to medical school. I've been advised not to do Teach for America (it's 2 years). And I think the advice was solid, so I'm going with that. I have a friend who did Americorp in the Twin Cities for a year working at a free clinic. That would be good experience and would give me the chance to work with a population that I care a lot about. I have decided not to apply for the NIH research fellowship I was thinking about - I just don't think that bench research is what I want to do for a year. I have thought about getting in touch with the Sioux Lookout Diabetes Program to see if they have any positions available for next year and if there's any way I could do that being from the States. Otherwise, I have to get in touch with the career center.

I can't believe that everything I've worked so hard to achieve seems to be slipping away. It's kind of depressing. I shouldn't jump to any conclusions yet (I mean, I don't even have the doormat), but it's hard knowing that (a) I'm going to be leaving Gustavus in 5 months no matter what, (b) I will have to be somewhere, doing something, and (c) that (b) is as definite as I can be about my future. I've really invested so much in medicine that I can't think of doing anything else, and I don't think that I could be passionate about anything else.

So, at this point, I guess the word is "Wait and See." I guess I'm just not expecting as much as I was earlier on. Humbled, maybe you could say.

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"Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got
'til it's gone?"

'Big Yellow Taxi' by Counting Crows
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