Grand Ideas...

During a training course I had a week or so ago that dealt with loss and bereavement, the college Chaplain said something that I found extremely insightful for my own life. She told us that as people get older they begin to realize that many things they at one time dreamed of doing they are no longer feasibly able to do.

At one level, I think that her point of view makes sense. Personally, I believe that at no point does a dreamer have the ability to realize but a tiny fraction of his dreams. Time hasn't somehow sapped enough of my potential to preclude me from succeeding in several areas; instead, I have to conclude that experience has shown me that many of my dreams were foolish and unattainable to begin with. Most of them, actually, were mutually exclusive.

What's the point? I have to start setting realistic goals for myself. At the same time, I have to stop expecting myself to surpass those goals and, on the other hand, be content with and excited about achieving those lesser victories.

I have to admit that most of these thoughts have come about because of medical school applications. Of course, getting into medical school has been my goal. No, actually, getting into a -good- medical school has been my goal. I actually applied to over 5 schools that I'm pretty sure I can't get into just because they have impressive names. Guess I didn't learn the futility of that during the undergrad process.

I think that my Lutheran background has taught me to fear being happy. Lutherans are never supposed to "arrive" at anything; instead, we're always supposed to be journeying towards some goal. That's why I can't admit that I have reached my goal; instead, I have to set it higher. Before I got my MCAT results, I just wanted to get into a medical school. After I found out I did pretty well and therefore have a pretty good chance for a spot at the U of M or UMD, suddenly I felt I had to be accepted to a private medical school with a certain student demographic.

There are other examples, of course, but most are too private for a blog. All in all, I need to try to be happier.